(I am a prisoner on the inside, as well as the outside) I can paint a Picasso of the courage it must take one to live the life one wants to live; you see me, that’s not quite what I did. Instead of facing reticule and humiliation from those held immensely close to my heart, I live the life more suitable on the outside. But inside I'm in prison doing life for not snitching, on myself. Surely my cell gets congested causing little signs of truth to seep out of open crevices'. Shawshank redemption is near but the consequences of escaping I am not able to inflict upon my wounded soul. Wounded & Conflicted by culture, religion, tradition, and expectations, my mind and my heart duel for righteousness. Despite exhaustion, Insomnia forces me to play out the screenplay of my imagination, the very script I long to live. I become engulfed with the protagonist, bringing the character to life. Critics are spellbound by my performance referring to it as a delightful tour-de-force. However, the only 1 critiquing me is I. No 1 has inspired me with true friendship to allow so close, even those few who have heard the truth uttered from my speech. Exhaustion of a facade leaves me in despair. Enabling the prisoner to become intoxicated with power over me. Consider this his playtime on the field. Rebellious toward me for my actions, he creates havoc within my conscience indulging in his vices creating emotional bliss for him to weaken my decision. Fucked up way to live, I'm sure. But to loose those who love me would be unbearable. So do I live the life I want? Or do I live the life I know? I know, I know, it’s my life; I should live it and be comfortable in my skin. The walls I built to keep my prisoner inside are roaring. The echo becomes louder with every thrust. You can't keep the innocent caged up forever. The inmate chained to my soul can no longer remain destitute. Slowly and securely I feed his thirst. But what will come of it? Truth? I and I can't handle the truth. But like the sun, the truth always rises, and my prisoner’s one wish is to live where the sun always shines.
Conflicted
-TAMA IRIE
